haha

to put my life in simple song lyrics i think i would go with.....

"I'm a fucking fab bitch, haters you can kill yourself."

i thought it had a nice ring to it

To you, my incredibly rude friend..

i hate you.

I've fallen for your lyrics..

...

Dear Friend,

are you ready for another one of my rants? okay here goes...you are my best friend. and yet you are the most shallow, obnoxious, concieted person i know. i dont want to hear about you partying and the guys you hook up with anymore. im annoyed and you have turned into one of the girls that we always said we hated. you know the ones that all they talk about is hooking up with really hot guyS and partying every weekend. dont get me wrong im down for some fun but you have taken it to the next level. you lie all the time you hook up with random guys you dont know and brag like hell. i feel like your ugly friend that guys talk to so they can get to you. and you know thats true. i have tried to find you guys because you ask me to and i find guys that are too good for you but you are never satisfied because you dont think they are gorgeous. you dont even take the time out to get to know the poor guys. im so done trying to defend you and listen to your dumb stories that make me feel like shit. im done feel like shit because of you.

from this point on i wont acknowledge your stupid stories and im going to be working on me and whats best for me. you are my friend but im sorry you are a bad friend to me. all you do is use me so you can go out without your parents knowing. you walk out of my house looking like you have no clothes on and dont give a shit about my curfew which gets ME in trouble..not that you care.

im so sick of giving and giving and giving and never recieving. i let you stay at my house all the time because i have a later curfew and in return i get in trouble because you want to get fucking doughnuts and make me late for curfew. thanks.

im constantly compared to you and you know it. you know you are prettier than me, smarter than me, and half the guys we know talk to me to get you. you know this. and still when i like a guy you have to like him and kiss him at fucking hooka bars and be shady. im so sick of finding perfect guys for your overly cocky mindset and you ALWAYS finding something wrong with them because they arent hot enough for you because you "can get any guys you want and you are hot." im done. im over you. im over everyone that screws me over. its my turn to worry about me and not give a shit about anyone else but me. its time for me to be as selfish as you always have been.

thanks for being such a great friend.

Motivation

Calvin Klein

Gucci Guilty

Wishing I could sing like this

wish i had a sister too haha

7:57..did she just call Julie Banderas a "bimbo?" whaaaat

# 13. Have a "Ferris Bueller" Day

Tomorrow is Monday

I hate Mondays.

Love this movie,

Pensive

Im a GLEEK.

I've Never

I've never been considered "smart" amongst the people i know. people see me as the joker or the friend to hang around when you have no one else. ive always been friends with people smarted than me. people that are going places and doing things with their lives while i just sit there all alone and watch those people living their lives. i want to be smart, im tired of feeling stupid in everything i do. i cried tonight over my stats homework. i got to the second question and just got so pissed at myself and started to cry. i feel pathetic. it sucks because its not like im not paying attention and im slacking off, im really really trying and i still dont get it. what makes me even more mad is the people that do slack off and dont pay attention in class or whatever and get everything the first time it is explained. i have a stats test tomorrow and i have a nagging feeling im going to fail. im tired of being a failure. i got a B on my last stats test and my mom was thrilled. i hate seeing her when i dont do good. i hate it because i want her to know im trying and to see im improving but as hard as i try it never seems to make a difference. im so frustrated.

Tennage Dream,

You think I'm pretty
Without any make-up on
You think I'm funny
When I tell the puch line wrong
I know you get me
So I'll let my walls come down, down

Before you met me
I was a wreck
But things were kinda heavy
You brought me to life
Now every February
You'll be my valentine, valentine

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

We drove to Cali
And got drunk on the beach
Got a motel and
Built a fort out of sheets
I finally found you
My missing puzzle piece
I'm complete

Let's go all the way tonight
No regrets, just love
We can dance until we die
You and I
We'll be young forever

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

I might get your heart racing
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin-tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight

You make me
Feel like
I'm living a Teenage Dream
The way you turn me on
I can't sleep
Let's runaway
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back

My heart stops
When you look at me
Just one touch
Now baby I believe
This is real
So take a chance
And don't ever look back
Don't ever look back


i hope im lucky enough to find someone that makes me feel like this one day<3

#12 Fall in love

The dog days are over,

i find it quite annoying how ignorant some people can be. whether its cutting someone off(thanks for that by the way you are so super cool i want to be just like you..not.) or cutting someone completely off for no good reason. keep in mine that yes i too have cut people off and and not told them why, but not for no good reason. there is a method to my madness, most of the time and i just want to stay away from the drama. so i guess a thank you is in order. thank you person i have known for 3 years who has recently cut me off for no good reason. thank you because now i dont have to listen to you all the time, i dont have to constantly listen to all your drama and lies and feel as though none of my concerns matter. because of you annonymous person, i am drama free and i dont have to deal with anymore of your B.S.

as for you cool person who cut me off..nice hair. ha. i have so much hate towards you and your...turqois haired "friend" that it seriously baffles me. i find you to be the most ignorant and newly concieted person i have ever met. congrats to you and your narcissism, i hope its worth everything.

My Irritation

I must be the worst friend there is. I am constantly finding friends that are just too immature to handle situations or be honest. Why is this? Im literally a magnet for these kind of people. Im so annoyed right now. I have to go to this stupid back to school dance because my mother told me I had to and so I asked...3 friends of mine if they would "please please please" go with me. Their response? "of course!!" But did any of them buy tickets?...NO. Thanks guys. If they had asked me I would have followed through and Im just mad because I ask them to do one thing and we would stay for like an hour and they cant do it. Im so...I dont even know! Im annoyed to the point I dont even want to be around these people. And the worst part seems to be they dont even realize Im mad and dont think they have done anything wrong at all. Dont understand why I cant be like everyone else and have good friends that stay through thick and thin. I basically found that one person that would do that for me and destroyed our friendship.

On the bright side, there is no way I am getting into a good 4 year college. -sarcasm I went to my counselor to see what I needed to do because I obviously have things I need to make up and start before college is even an option, and she got the lovely pleasure of telling me I would have to get a 4.0 to even be considered and even that might not help. I then went to lunch where one of my friends got irritated with me because I was a little upset and about to cry. She told me to not worry about it and I shouldnt be upset and that was dumb because there was nothing I could do now, which I understand but damn! So much for being sensitive and reasuring. I mean isnt it kind of in the friend code to be there for your friend and tell them everything will be okay even if it wont? I might be being a little sensitive but I guess it was just the way it was said...and the fact she has two schools chasing her to give her a complete ride to college. A little annoyed..same friend who promised me she would go to the dance and now..."Im ridin solo."


Im so dissapointed in myself. Cant imagine what my mother will think. My dad? Nah he wont care. He doesnt even care enough to call. Its been what? Just over a year now? Yep. Dad of the year right there. So Thank You Dad. Thank You friend. Thank You to all the people that dont think I can make it. You guys are just my motivation to do something useful with my life. You are my inspiration to keep going and to be the complete opposite of what you are. I will make it one day. I am going to work my ass off this year.

Thank You.


#10 Ride on a motorcycle.

Long Time

it has been a really long time since i have written anything, partly because i forgot my password..ha. well now i have my password written down and i will not forget:) i have lots to say now, so prepare to read my many words...

Future Goals

"Everybody says time heals everything
but what of the wretched hollow?
The endless in between
are we just going to wait it out?"
-Imogen Heap

A while back the movie The Bucket List came out featuring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. I thought the movie was such a great idea that i started my own list...book. haha well ever since i was little i always remember seeing something i thought was really cool and wanting to try it but never remembering what it was. so after i heard of the movie i started my own. i wont share all of the ones i have so far but as my blog goes on i might include some at the end of my entries.

Not too long after this show on Mtv came out called The Buried Life came on mtv, which is pretty much incredible, check it out if you havent already, so now im super stoked about my book. it doubles as my journal so ill write down things i want and my expirences and check off all the things i have accomplished. so far i havent crossed of many but its a work in progress. but if i do check anything it off it will be bold.

#3 Sing in front of a live audience.

Sad Movie, Sad Memories

I just saw the movie The Lovely Bones. i thought it was really good. Saoirse Ronan, who plays susie is amazing in this movie. there is a point where she screams and i just wanted to cry...i did a little. but my mother was there with me so i held it together. i wanted to see the movie really badly because i read the book and is was really good but the movie left out a lot of critical points in the movie. Like the fact that susies mother left them after her death for the dectective and never to return. stuff like that. i felt bad making my mother watch it. it didnt really click for me until it was half way over but i felt pretty awful. i felt awful because when my mother was aroundmy age she lost her brother. he was an amazing person, so i hear. ive never heard anyone that has anything bad to say of him. i wish i could have met him. my mother is my only family so shes the only one that talks of him really. but from what she has told me he was the most amazing person alive. he drowned. my mother started crying half way through the movie. i think she was thinking about what she would do if she lost me. the other day she told me of how she wanted to leave. she wanted to be taken to the mountains and have me spread the ashes. while she talked i couldnt help but tune her out and start to think of what it would be like to lose her. i couldnt imagine it. as many times as we have screamed and yelled at each other i cant imagine losing her. i am now trying to live every day as if it were my last and trying my hardest to remember not to take anything for granted, especially the ones you love.

My New Start

I've decided to make a whole new blog. One that no one reads, hopefully. i guess it would be fine if someone did read this considering i am posting this on the Internet but i plan to delete all the people that once followed my blog and start new. I'm deleting those people because in all honesty we are no longer friends. that was not my choice, but i guess people change and other people become more important. I'm not going to use names, and i will be completely honest.

Isn't it sad how some people discard friends and get new ones. i must say i am somewhat talking about myself as well. it's sad when i find myself suddenly with no one. no friends to talk to at all because they are mad at me, or i am at them, or all the nonsense of the "he said she said" crap. there are some friends i wish i could apologize to just so we could be friends again. one in particular. 13 years i knew her, we were family and within a day everything changed. i guess I'd like to secretly apologize to her. i have tried time after time but nothing changed, so i guess if she ever reads this maybe then she will be able to fathom how sorry i am how things turned out. I'm sorry B, i miss you and wish things could be different.

i guess chapter 2 of my friends would be one of the craziest yet amazing people i have ever met. we were very similar but as the saying goes 3 is a crowd...and we had 4. so i guess that was bound to be a disaster of gossip and backstabbing. I'm sorry H. i have no family. its just me and my mother, so when i find a new friend i try and be there for them no matter what and be the person they can turn to. i tried like hell to be that for you, but you were preoccupied with a certain someone. i understand and i totally support you with him but i guess i was being jealous and just wanted some you and me no guy time. its sad that i told you something seriously important and and needed you and inevitably it returned back to you and your relationship. i guess i just wish you could look from my point of view and see what it might be like. we are both incredibly stubborn and i wouldn't ever want to lose you as a friend, but I'm not willing to apologize for somethings i don't believe are my "fault." i do wish that for once maybe you could be the bigger person and come talk to me. but i don't think that will ever happen.

chapter 3, this one hurts most. i am truly sorry to you S. we were only friends for a year and a half. and i must admit i am stubborn and don't see your side so clearly but i would always be willing to put it behind us, even though you aren't. you say i haven't changed and that kills me because of all the friends i have lost you are one i would give anything to have back. i did take you for granted but you left me. you left me for what you thought was better and now you don't have them either. i wish i could walk up to you when i see you and just give you a hug and laugh like this never happened. the other day i found a note you wrote me, when we used to write each other in class and make them all colorful and funny and give them to each other during passing period, and i read it and just remembered all the amazing times i had with you. i hate that we will probably never be friends again, it seriously kills me. but i just hope you are happy and find people that don't take you for granted as i did. your an amazing person.