I've never been considered "smart" amongst the people i know. people see me as the joker or the friend to hang around when you have no one else. ive always been friends with people smarted than me. people that are going places and doing things with their lives while i just sit there all alone and watch those people living their lives. i want to be smart, im tired of feeling stupid in everything i do. i cried tonight over my stats homework. i got to the second question and just got so pissed at myself and started to cry. i feel pathetic. it sucks because its not like im not paying attention and im slacking off, im really really trying and i still dont get it. what makes me even more mad is the people that do slack off and dont pay attention in class or whatever and get everything the first time it is explained. i have a stats test tomorrow and i have a nagging feeling im going to fail. im tired of being a failure. i got a B on my last stats test and my mom was thrilled. i hate seeing her when i dont do good. i hate it because i want her to know im trying and to see im improving but as hard as i try it never seems to make a difference. im so frustrated.
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